You Never Said That.

The Urban Dictionary defines selective hearing as: one possess this quality when they hear only what they would like to hear.

“Jimmy, do the laundry and then you can go to the movies.” 
“Sweet! I can go to the movies!” 
“AFTER YOU DO THE LAUNDRY!” 
“What? You never said I had to do the laundry.” 
“I swear, you have selective hearing”

TURN AROUND

What if we turn this around. What if we used selective listening instead? This would be considered as intentional listening.  But, let’s not be confused: There is a difference between hearing and listening. John Timperley of the Results Consultancy explains, “Listening is often confused with hearing. Hearing uses just one of our 5 senses to convey information received by the ears to the brain. Listening involves the process of analyzing, interpreting, understanding and giving meaning to what has been heard.” 

“Of course it doesn’t help that we think up to four times more quickly than people speak. The consequence is that when we try and listen we can get ahead of the speaker. We try to think up solutions and ideas which we are keen to put to them to contribute to the conversation.  This may cause us to interrupt them in our pressing desire to reveal how clever we are or to solve their issues. Interruptions are likely to put off a client or contact participating in the conversation.”

People we talk to, regardless of where (work, church, family, etc) are looking to see what kind of physical messages you are sending while they are talking. They are gauging your interest in their words. Of course, we do the same thing.  And, like others, we will stop talking if we think someone is not listening or looks bored.

TIPS

John Timperley has a number of ‘active listening’ tips which encourage a contact to keep talking.  These are:

• Smile and make eye contact if you’re in a meeting – show that your attention is focused on them.
• Nod, to encourage them to keep talking.
• Agree with their comments, so that they know that your views are in alignment with theirs.
• Play back their words or particular phrases they have used, to show that you are listening.
• Adopt a genuinely engaged posture and disposition

MY HEARING TEST

A few months ago I got my hearing tested. I was pretty confident that I would be told I was losing some of my hearing. Surprise, surprise, I had great hearing. In fact, the audiologist told me that I had the hearing of a 5 year old. Really?? (Why she chose to use that comparison, I’m unsure.) So that means my selective hearing is just as good now as any 5 year boy. Awesome. Or maybe not.

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