There are people who thrive on adversity while others are rattled by minor setbacks. Just what is it they do to avoid from being “rattled?”
According to Dr. Paul Stoltz, who researched adversity and how it impacted 250,000 people over 12 years, came to a conclusion: we faced approximately 23 problems a day – in 2003. Now that average is up to 32 as of March, 2015. That is a lot of problems – both small and large problems. (However, most people do not face every day: loss of a job, a serious auto collision, the passing of a relative, etc. Most problems faced each day are not as large as those.)
Many people would agree with Dr. Stoltz that responding effectively to adversity is behavior that can be learned. However, you can increase your value as a leader and a mentor by both demonstrating these 4 secrets and teaching them to others. Four secrets below are a combination of both mine and Stoltz’s writings.
Secret 1: Face what is happening.
No one likes dealing with unpleasant situations. Sometimes our first reaction to a problem is to ignore it. By doing so, we can only hope it goes away. But we know problems just don’t vanish. Simply acknowledging there is a problem is the first step in dealing with it.
Secret 2: Separate fact from fiction.
When adversity comes our way, some people will respond with a knee-jerk reaction. Instead, we should ask ourselves, “What evidence is there that a worst-case outcome is likely?” Stoltz recommends that once we question our assumptions, “you rarely will find evidence to support worse-case” scenarios. We should look hard for evidence about what is most likely to happen next.
Secret 3: Helping others: Good or Bad?
Two traps leaders can fall into when others face problems: giving advice or compassionate listening. Not that either can be bad. However, providing advice could potentially create a codependent relationship in which people go to you looking for solutions whenever a problem arises. Ideally, we want them to find solutions on their own. Compassionate listening can affirm “a person’s feelings of helplessness or sense of victimization.”
The response would be to find away around a problem.
Secret 4: Looking to a higher power.
I believe that through prayer, God can guide us to find a solution – or show us a solution – to the problem. His answer could be just what we asked or something entirely unexpected; He might tell us to wait in our current situation instead of taking action, or He could direct us to become involved in something new. What’s more, He may ask us to take a step of faith. Something we can all be reminded of: God is bigger than any problem we encounter.
“Everyone is handed adversity in life. No one’s journey is easy. It’s how they handle it that makes people unique.” Kevin Conroy
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Would you add another “secret” to this list? Feel free to share your comments on my business FB page: www.facebook.com/philwaltonjr. Or on twitter: @pwalton2012.