Remember the song “Games People Play” by Joe South? It came out in 1968. According to Wikipedia, “the lyrics and title are thought to be a direct reference to Eric Berne’s work on transactional analysis of the same name. The book, published in 1964, deals with the ‘games’ human beings play in interacting with one another.”
Games. These aren’t the fun kind of games. These are games played when a person wants attention. Sometimes the behavior is in ways that goes too far and the result is not just attention, but also manipulation. When people manipulate others, they can be met with anger, rejection and other negative emotions. Dr. Eric Berne first reported on this “game” people play in 1964. He explains in his book Games People Play that people play these games to get attention.
So, what are some of the games we play in the workplace? Games can be also found outside of work in our families, with our friends, and other places. What are they and how do we avoid them?
Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth. Ralph Waldo Emerson
THE GAMES
1. “See what you made me do.” In this game, someone in authority (manager, director, etc.) asks subordinates for suggestions to solve a problem. When the suggestions fail, the manager blames the subordinates. According to Dr. Berne, the person feels victimized and puts he/she in a “morally superior position of power – as opposed to having to recognize the failure.”
What can you do to stop it? According to Dr. Martin Groder, instead of falling into the trap, firmly refuse to provide suggestions unless you are empowered to act on them.
2. “Now I’ve got you.” This game is played by a person who seems engaged in “meaningful activity, but whose real aim is to trap others when they slip up.” This allows the “player” to feel justified. The player can “righteously” vent his/her anger.
What can you do to stop it? Make rules and “obligations explicit – who is responsible for what and by when – and strictly adhere to them.”
3. “Kick me.” This is when the person is like someone wearing a sign that says “kick me.” He/she at times acts obnoxious; irritating. When others react in a negative way, the person can act injured and ask why do bad things always happen to them. The player enjoys watching others lose control when he remains calm. “He likes being victimized while feeling superior.”
What can you do to stop it? Don’t rise to the bait. Rather, point out to him/her the “unnecessary provocation and indicate a willingness to work with him – or don’t work with him further.
4. “I’m always late – but that’s too bad for you.” Groder states that workers who are constantly late for work or meetings, miss deadlines or take forever to return phone calls” may be playing this game. They seek control, yet don’t want to be controlled by anyone.
What can you do to stop it? One suggestion is to discuss the problem openly, making it clear why being prompt is important to the department, the company, or another organization. You may want to set limits and hold all people to them – especially the “player.”
5. “What do you think? Thanks, but I disagree.” The person complains about a problem, but doesn’t agree with any suggestions presented to solve that problem. He/she try to explain why any solutions won’t work. This can allow the player to feel reassured he is better than them; to feel superior to the others when they try to solve a problem.
What can you do to stop it? The person is not looking for a real solution. One can react with sympathy, but no advice. Suggestions can be offered, such as “That is a difficult problem. What will you do about it?” Or another suggestion is to say “That’s too bad.”
All of us should look how we interact with others and ask ourselves: “What do I do to manipulate others?” “What do I need to do to change?” Playing these “games” are not becoming of a leader, so it is best to separate ourselves from such behavior. And if we know others who play such games, try using the suggestions above. They just might work.
What are your thoughts? Feel free to comment on FB or Twitter or in the comment field for this post.