Now that I have your attention…. The type of addiction I am referring to is the one very few people talk about.
The benefits of working hard are real and can be very rewarding. However, we can take our work too far by becoming “performance addicts.” These addicts can believe that “improving their status, income, and/or physical appearance will earn them love and respect from others and bring them happiness.”
While he was an instructor of psychology at the Harvard Medical School, Arthur Ciaramicoli provided the following insights during an interview with Marjory Abrams on this issue of “performance addicts.” (Dr. Arthur is now Chief Medical Officer at Soundmindz.org.)
1. If you answer yes to more than two of the following questions, the drive to perform may be causing problems:
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Do you feel lazy when you relax?
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Do you feel that you never can truly please a parent or spouse?
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Are you constantly striving to please bosses without ever feeling secure in their approval?
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Do you long for affection but feel you never receive it?
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Do you focus more on people’s faults than on their talents?
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Do you evaluate your own appearance, intelligence and/or material possessions on a regular basis?
Dr. Ciaramicoli, then goes on to state that once you have identified the problem, you can take steps to create more of a balance in your life. What are those steps? These are the ones he listed:
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List the 20 happiest moments in your life. It is likely that you will have more of these if you cut back on your effort to fulfill your “performance addiction.”
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If you catch yourself thinking you’re lazy when you relax, remind yourself that you are anything but lazy. Working hard means some time off is a welcomed reward.
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Next time you tell yourself you need to push harder, ask if that is being helpful to you or is it more of demanding of yourself to give more?
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Stop criticizing. Performance addicts “constantly compare themselves with others, and, they tend to do the same to their loved ones.”
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If your parent was a “performance addict,” understand that his/her behavior “was misguided.”
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Allow yourself to admit mistakes and be vulnerable. “There are two choices in life – we can either be miserable trying to be perfect or we can enjoy being human.”